The beautiful struggle of life continues to entice me. Feeling nervous during finals this week, I reached a point where amidst toys and my son watching Super Readers, I had to sit in my best possible lotus position. Focused only on breath I started to feel peaceful. Time went by and pretty soon my son smokes me with his apple core. I am a pretty jumpy person and not a muscle moved in my body, my mind was aware, but my body made absolutely no attempt to react. My little one, still wanting my attention, starts spitting, knowing it is not allowed. I notice and find it kind of humorous and continue to be aware of only the moment. It is as though all energies were gathering and flowing directly to the mind. So soothing to the soul and creating a feeling of connectedness and calmness, allowing spirit to reach for it’s source. This experience taught me so much about the way I live life.
Normally, I scatter my mind and thoughts all over the place. Spending lots of time worried about what other people think and what is going on outside of the moment; or in other peoples lives, eventually leaves a person a ragged mess. It is exhausting and I think it is one of the reasons so many of us do not know where the time goes. Now, I am not saying we are not supposed to think of the world and live in a way that is helpful to others. But, by being peaceful and loving others and by always doing right in each moment; we create a glorious effect of action that spreads out to others and the world.
What I really learned from this is that If I could learn to live in this constant state of concentration, I would become less dependent on objects and the physical world. I let endless thoughts and nerves get the best of me. They cause me to feel I need alcohol to be calm or to live in a state of happiness at times. This is bull****. This is what the Hindus call Maya; the dualities or forces that pull at us to keep us connected to earth. Thinking we need this and that to be happy or to make it through certain situations or even life. When we reach for attachments they are only misery binding, maybe not right away, but eventually.
We will never free ourselves by worry or trying to fix our worries. There will always be more. We must get in touch with our real, innermost being and clean the mind from the residue of ignorance, conditioned from wrong choices in this physical world. I write and share this because it is awful when we feel helpless at times. It is a difficult struggle when it comes to addiction and or trying to figure out how to live in a way that creates endless joy. I think only by being in touch with our higher Self, God, the Divine, or our Creator will we begin to find the endless joy and love we all so desire.