She sits in the window, blowing smoke through the screen, while staring at the sky. Her apartment feels lonely and old; it sits in the middle of a small, old-fashioned, mid-western farm town. Just a few more months and she will be graduating high school and can get far away from this place. One way out, somehow, she knows she will really start living when she sits behind her wheel; everything she needs in the backseat, and two thousand miles ahead of her to explore.
She wonders how she ended up sitting in front of this window, alone at eighteen. Her childhood seemed like a long-ago fairytale but could feel so dark, misunderstood, and sad, at the very same moment. She should have been at home, with people who could give her support and love, while she enjoyed the last moments of adolescence, before heading out on her own. Egos are full of pride and can turn us into slaves to only them. More importantly, we all have a destiny and certain events must play out for ours to unravel. She doesn’t know it yet, but this time in her life has a huge impact on shaping the person she needs to become. Pain can be the best instigator for growth.
Her senior year passed by while she worked two jobs, and searched for meaning in life. Many dark and sad soul searching nights passed; Cher’s voice blaring in the background, singing about how “we all sleep alone sooner or later”. Graduation happened and the time had finally came to venture out of her home state. Thanks to the invention of internet it is pretty easy to up and change location, employment, and to make plans to go anywhere or to do just about anything. She knew she wanted to head west and needed to feel the power of her four legged equine friends underneath her. Preferably, with a huge blue sky, shinning sun, and jagged mountain peaks. Hot cowboys and crazy night-time entertainment would be an added delight too. A head wrangler from a ranch in Montana called her one afternoon. She landed a wrangling position for a high-end dude ranch in western Montana. It was solid, she was going to go. Evening came and she danced the night away, alone in her apartment with a bottle of vodka.
Goodbyes were going to be very hard. She had no clue of the pain that would be felt when leaving. Or the emptiness of being somewhere so far away and not knowing one single person. Moving time came and important belongings were packed into her Grandparent’s garage, many items made their way to the dumpster. The rest was loaded into a little silver Pontiac.